It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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