on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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