im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
