I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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