I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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