her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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