I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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