Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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