i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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