The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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