this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
