I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
