and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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