The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize