quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
