Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
