You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
