I CAN MOONWALK!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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