right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
