who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
