sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
