I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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