Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize