They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
