I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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