Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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