Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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