very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
