Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
