Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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