her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize