I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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