He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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