I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
