party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
