Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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