He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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