Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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