Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
