If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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