Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
