i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
