i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
