The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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