You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
