Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
