so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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