Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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