apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
