I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
