Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
