can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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