I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
