someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
