I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
