How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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