I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
