He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
