you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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