Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
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