guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just invented taco cereal.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
