Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
