you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
