Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
