Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
