I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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