A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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