my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
