Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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