All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
