you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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